Deadheading A Soul

I have a message for someone.  I don’t who it’s for – what I do know is that this person is deeply, deeply loved and that this message is right on time.  I know this message is true because it keeps coming and coming and coming into my mind…it’s gentle and persistent and heart-swelling.

A couple of summers ago, I took care of the Brave River Ranch while Melody and her family were on vacation.  There are hundreds and hundreds and HUNDREDS of flowers at the Ranch, and before Melody left she asked if I would work on deadheading them.


Dead heading is when you pinch off the dead flowers, so that the new flowers can grow.  Because plants (like people) only have so much energy, and unless you pinch the old flowers off…along with as much of the plant that is no longer pretty…the plant keeps sending its energy to the dead parts.


When you get rid of the dead parts, andthe plant doesn’t have all that dead stuff to send its energy to,  it starts sending all its energy to creating new, beautiful flowers and full foliage.

Here’s the thing though….if you don’t know about flowers you might be scared to deadhead.  You might be afraid that the flowers will never come back, or that the plant will never be beautiful and full and lush again.

Maybe you’d let the dead flowers stay…because you’d rather have wilted flowers than no flowers at all.

But if you get brave and start taking off the dead parts…little by little you’ll start to see hidden things….


Signs of new life under all that deadness….and stunning growth where you hadn’t been able to see it before…and beauty where you didn’t expect it…


Deadheading these little yellow flowers was thrilling.  They look so dead, but if you look really REALLY closely, you can see the tiny new vibrant yellow buds.


If I hadn’t started to go through this plant and take out the old, dead flowers, I would never  have seen the new little promises of life underneath.

So you get it, right?  I mean we could be talking about flowers or cool-whip or life.

You and I only have so much energy.  There are only so many hours in a day…only so many things we can give our energy and our lives to.  Is there some deadheading we need to do in our lives?  I will be more bold than that, since I know this message is for someone out there.

I am telling you, there IS something in your life you need to cut out.
Something unimportant.
Something dead.
Something that is no longer making your life more happy, more beautiful, more meaningful and more full.

Let it go, sweet girl.  Let it become what it needs to become.  Dead flowers go back into the earth to nurture in other ways….

Thank them for the beautiful things they’ve shown you….then let them go…

It takes a lot of work to build a beautiful life.  Whether you’re deadheading your garden or deadheading your soul, you’ll sweat and cry and you’ll ask yourself WHY it takes so long, and why it’s so HARD and why it can’t be EASIER and why SHE doesn’t have to go through this (she does though, just like you).  Do the work.  It’s worth it.

If something is not spectacularly beautiful, then nourish it back to life or let it go.  Don’t live with wilted flowers because you’re afraid of not having flowers.

Did you hear that?  Really hear it?  Don’t. live. with. wilted. flowers. because. you’re. afraid. of. not. having. flowers.  Dead flowers aren’t flowers.  They’re skeletons of flowers.  They’re not adding to your life, they’re draining you of life.

Trust the truth, sweet Brave Girl, there is all kinds of goodness waiting to come into your life the second you let go of the things that are holding you back…

the lies you tell yourself, the limits you put on yourself, past mistakes, past failures, suffocating relationships, what you believe about your circumstances, what you believe about your finances, what you believe about the world….

So…what do we do about all that?  It’s easy to deadhead in the garden.  Not so easy to deadhead in life.  Not easy, but not impossible.

You can do it.  Get quiet.  Listen to that teeny tiny voice inside of you…the one that is telling you to let go.  Trust that there are itsy bitsy buds inside of you that are waiting to burst to life as soon as you give them the energy they need…as soon as you stop sending your energy toward dead, wilted, life-less things.

You can do it, brave girl.

dear amazing you


  1. maureen Blake says:

    Well, Kallie, I am at least ONE of the people you wrote this for. I remember reading about the deadheading earlier . . but today is JUST when I needed to hear it again. Especially how the dear plant keeps sending energy to the dead parts . . until they are taken away. Me too. Me too. love and thanks from a Body Res/Soul Res 1 alumni.

  2. Julie says:

    Me, two (too) If you only knew how prophetic this story is. I have been “fussed” at many times for deadheading the flowers in our garden. I was told I was wasting time that it doesn’t make a difference. To me it is an easy task to accomplish in the garden & I can certainly see the results. Not as easy of a task in real life. Your analogy hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I just need to pick myself back up. Our God is an Awesome God. Awesome in the truest sense of the word.

  3. Megan says:

    I’ve had this message saved on my computer for the last two years, and I revisit it every so often. I wanted to let you know you were talking to me. This spoke to me the first time I read it, and when I read it again, and again until I had the courage to get out of a damaging and toxic marriage and create a life I love. I KNEW this message was for me – it brought tears to my eyes and my soul was still. I knew what I needed to do, but it took me days and weeks and months to be brave enough and make changes in my life. I’ve never been happier and more fulfilled in my life, and I wanted you to know what you shared made a difference in my life. Thank you for your message!

    • Oh my gosh, Megan…thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I always hope that the things I write touch people in big ways, but I never really know. I am soul-deep grateful and happy that you found the courage to find happiness, and very touched that my words had anything to do with that. Thank you so much for this note. Sending so much love and light and goodness your way… Thanks again, Kallie

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