Turning Points

You know how there are those turning points in life? You know what I mean, they are those times that you mark time with. For example sometimes I hear myself discuss an event that happened but I say that it happened AFTER another event had happened. Well, in my life, just like in yours, I have those turning points. Usually they are a VERY joyful time or a VERY hard time. These turning points are events that change your life forever. They are events that you will carry with you and remember forever.

Three years ago I encountered a turning point.

It was winter.  I was trying to figure out how to provide Christmas presents for my four children with our meager income.  Winter and gifts were just two contributors, I have since realized that lies were the rest.

My main memory of this time is darkness.  I remember everything looking dark.  It could be because it was winter and there weren’t many hours of sunlight, and when the sun did come out everything was colorless and gray.  It could be because I would often hide in my laundry room, which had no windows, and I would turn of the lights so that no one would come looking for me.  It could be also because I felt I had no hope, and no where to go.

It’s interesting how sometimes it seems your eyes open and you wake up in the middle of the life that you are living and you realize where you are.  It was during this dark time that I realized I was now somewhere I truly never ever wanted to be again.  I was in a deep depression.  As I was hiding in my dark laundry room I grabbed my telephone to call someone, anyone to reach for and call out for help.  As I made the phone call I expressed my deep, dark thoughts and what I thought I needed to do.  I had suggested running away.  It was during this conversation and the lack of help that I received that I was going to have to admit more to myself.  What had happened to me?  I had been led through a series of lies that I was not enough.  I had no worth.  I had believed that my husband did not love me as much as he said, and that if I told him my feelings I would be distracting him from his work.  I had begun to seriously believe that my death would not be a bad thing and that my family would get along just fine with out me.  I was in hell.

I decided again to make a phone call.  This time I called someone I knew cared about me more than I could have ever cared about myself.  I called my dad.

As soon as I began to be honest about how I was feeling and what I was thinking I turned my path around.  I told my dad that I was having a hard time, he advised me to begin being truthful to my husband.  He also advised me to do little things each day to make sure I was fighting for my self worth.

I have got to be honest.  It was very hard to admit the truth to my husband.  I had many reasons as to why this was hard for me.  I was afraid that we would think less of me, I was afraid that he would think that this was somehow his fault, and I was afraid that if I told him HIS whole world would fall apart.  Fortunately, I have been very blessed by my good, sweetheart of a man.  His response was exactly what I needed.  He was wonderful at listening.  He was wonderful about asking me simple questions.  Best of all he was CONCERNED.  He so lovingly listened and he started to look out for me a little bit more.  He began to be curious about what I was going to do to make my day a bit brighter.  He complimented my small accomplishments.

After telling my sweetheart I knew that there was one last thing that I needed to do.  I needed to be so honest with myself.  I needed to remember that I am of worth.  I have value.  I can do hard things.  It was time for me to begin fighting for my true self.  I am worth fighting for.  Each day I made sure to do something just for me.  I would go for short walks, meditate, exercise, go on little hikes with my kids, or sincerely pray.  It didn’t cost anything to to any of those little things, but I found that it certainly gave me more than I could ask for.  Each day I felt like I was armed for battle, I was going to kick this with all that I was worth, and I was worth more and more each day.

As the seasons began to change I began to feel better.  I had been working really hard and my husband also was looking for ways to bless me with self confidence.  That  spring he visited with a good friend of his and learned of a class that he thought would help boost me even further.  He enrolled me in an online class.  I was so scared and nervous, I doubted my abilities.  He reassured me that I would be great, and he gave me great hope.  This is when I learned of Brave Girls.

 

 

 

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